14. "I don't care if he *is* your date, Mr. Jackson Ð
no children allowed."
13. "Why the hell aren't you backstage? The drag
queen number goes on in... oops! Sorry, Ms. Aguilera."
12. "I've checked three times. There's no 'Celestia' on
the guest list."
11. "The Martha Quinn Award is given one of the
'elder statesmen' of the music industry. Please
welcome this year's honoree... Jewel!"
10. The excruciating, never-ending noise of Mariah
Carey's sobbing.
9. "Suge Knight's not that tough. I ain't afraid of--"
[*BLAM!* *BLAM!* *BLAM!*]
8. "'Total Request Live' bands, please proceed to
Orchestra Seating. 'Behind The Music' groups, follow
the stairs to Mezzanine. And 'Where Are They Now?'
the performers would like their limos vacuumed and
detailed before the show is over."
7. "The guy from Sherwin Williams is here with Ms.
Aguilera's makeup."
6. "I don't care if your name is Christopher Walken
or Wistifer Calken, the rule is: No Piercings, No
Entry. Now pick out an appendage and let's keep this
line moving."
5. "Because I melt in your mouth, not in your
hands."
4. "And now, a musical tribute to one of the most
influential forces in our industry: the prop-driven
charter airplane."
3. "Outta the way! Ms. Lopez is backing up!!"
2. "Grab a rope and follow me -- we just lost camera
two in Britney's cleavage!"
and the Number 1 Thing Overheard at the MTV Video Music Awards...
1. "No, you got it all wrong! J-Lo gets the Jell-O
from JoJo's, P. Diddy and Nelly get the peanut butter
and jelly, TLC get the BLTs from Mickey D's, and Ice
T and Ice Cube get the iced teas from KFC."